29 Jan


A major cause of break-ups and heartbreaks is when either or both party involved in the relationship holds unto illusions. Illusions are lies that appear as true. They are false beliefs and wrong perceptions that a person may be holding on to. Many relationships crumbling today were based upon illusions. They were based upon ideas and beliefs which cannot stand the winds and storms of reality that come to test the strength and stability of a relationship. A relationship that cannot stand this test is weak and so ends up crashing. I will be sharing three of such illusions.

Illusion 1: it’s all about emotion

Many love stories today are founded on feelings, physical attraction and charms. The storyline goes something like: guy meet girl and they fall heads over hills in love with each other. If what brought you together is how strong you feel towards each other and how much you are physical attracted to one another, you may be in for a disappointment. Now don’t get me wrong here. I’m not saying it’s wrong to be physically attracted to each other or to feel strongly towards each other. As a matter of fact, those two are necessary for the success of a relationship.

My point is dis: while those ‘feelings’ and ‘attraction’ are essential to relationship success, they are not strong enough to form the bedrock, the foundation of a long lasting and fulfilling relationship. It takes much more than feelings and attraction to sustain a fulfilling relationship. As a matter of fact, love itself is deeper than feelings and attraction. Those two make up a little portion of what love entails. Defining love just by these two components is the illusion that has led a lot of lovers to frustration, disappointment and heartbreak.

Sustaining a relationship requires an understanding of the sacrifices involved in loving a person; it entails understanding of the selflessness, the forbearance, the patience that love demands; it involves learning to go beyond how you feel to practically expressing love to one another unconditionally. Sustaining a relationship also involves an understanding of how to communicate with each other on a deeper and much more intimate level. The wisdom to deal correctly with the change time brings to our relationships is equally an inevitable requirement of fulfillment in relationship.

Lovers that neglect all these and simply focus on their feelings and attraction realized most times too late that they’ve built on a very shaky foundation. So the next time your emotions are driving you crazy, ask yourself a tough question and be sincere in answering the question: is there much more to this thing than just my feelings and attraction for him/her? Keeping yourself from heartbreak might mean taking the painful decision to walk away from your overwhelming emotions, when you can’t find something that will be worth investing your life on in the relationship.


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  1. Laura Susanne Yochelson

    January 30, 2012 at 3:18 am

    What an awesome post! Thanks for pointing this stuff out. There is so much confusion on relationships today. You seem to have cleared it up 🙂

    • oluwatoni

      January 31, 2012 at 8:22 am

      I sincerely appreciate your comment. Thank u 4checking out my blog.


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