Tag Archives: heart

Illusion 2: It doesn’t matter!


Sometimes we tend to ignore the obvious facts observable to us. Ladies especially, being more emotional in nature, tend to act in ‘denial mode’ i.e. they try to rationalize the character flaws and other signs that point to the fact that something is wrong with the relationship. Many times we see danger ahead but we allow our emotions to get a better part of us. We seem to believe that irrespective of the ‘danger signs’ we see, we can still make the relationship work. The truth is that, deep down on the inside of us we are afraid of losing ‘this sweet thing’ we’ve found. This is true of both of both ladies and men.

‘It doesn’t matter’, they say, ‘what really matter is that we are in love with each other.’ ILLUSION; yes, that’s what it is. How naive! So many marriages, not just relationships now, have hit the rocks today, with most ending in divorce courts because either or both of the partners ignored the warning signs at the cradle of the relationship. And don’t tell me they didn’t fall heads over heels in love with each other at the start. Don’t tell me they didn’t make sweet little promises lovers make for each other when intoxicated with attraction and feelings. Why is it that people rarely learn from history?

This is my point: some relationships can’t just work no matter how strong the feelings are, ASAP! Such relationships will rather give you heart aches and a lot of frustrations. You have to learn how to spot one when it shows up. And it is wisdom to learn to let down the bait and let go the catch when you come across such relationship. So you may want to ask: how do I recognize relationships that can’t work?

Learn to listen to your intuition – that still small voice from the deepest part of you. That voice is always giving us signals when something is not right somewhere. The problem is that most of us have not learnt to listen to it or obey it. Listen to your heart; is it giving you signs of peace or is it showing unrest? Don’t ignore the voice of your heart; that might be your greatest asset in relationship success.

For the records, here are just a few of the warning signals you need to watch out for:

  • He/she frowns or get angry habitually when he/she sees you with another lady/man. He/she didn’t care who you are with or what you’re doing with that person. He/she has a disease called ‘insecurity’. Don’t take that lightly!
  • He/she abuses you verbally, physically or otherwise. He/she doesn’t respect you or your emotions.
  • He/she is addicted to a destructive habit, and you are aware. He/she can’t do without smoking or drinking; or he/she is addicted to drugs; or he/she can’t do without sex…eh! RUN! You will be competing with his/her addiction in his/her heart. And you are sure to take second place!
  • He/she tell lies habitually. And he/she always give excuses to cover up his inconsistencies.
  • He/she complain, murmur and nag always and about almost anything. He/she is dissatisfied with life and living.

“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”

Join me in the next post as we explore another illusion: ‘I can’t live without him/her.’


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Love and trust

bound by loveLOVE AND TRUST

When you give your heart to a member of the opposite sex, you give him or her permission to break your heart. That’s because love, by its very nature, is vulnerable.’ And that’s why love cannot survive without trust. Trust is the bedrock of every relationship, whether is relationship between friends, family and definitely between couples.

Worthy or not worthy?

Many ladies or guys might not be aware of the consequences of giving their most treasured possession – their heart – to a person they agree to engage in an affair. If you commit your heart to someone who cannot be trusted, it’s like throwing your pearls before swines.

The greatest mistake you can make is to assume that if he/she loves me, then I can trust him. WRONG! Love and trust are two different things entirely. It’s very possible to love and not trust somebody (the vice versa is very unlikely). For example a woman whose husband has betrayed her trust by discovering he has an affair with another woman might forgive the man when he confesses and show repentance. She may still love him but unable to trust him completely thereafter.

Trust is like an account. When you do things that build trust, like keeping your promises, showing acts of loyalty, you’re making deposits. And when you do things that destroy trust, you are making withdrawal.

Learning to guard your heart jealously against people who are not trustworthy might be the greatest skill you will need to develop to enjoy a wholesome and enriching relationship and love life. Most heartbreaks is traceable to relationships that started with either of the party not careful enough before entrusting his/her heart to the other party.


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