Tag Archives: heartbreak

Illusion 3: I can’t live without him/her






Nothing can be further from the truth. Many young people have believed this myth for too long to their own peril. Sometimes you hear them say things like: you are my life; I can’t survive without you… Sometimes they say these things in the heat of their emotions. Nevertheless, it doesn’t change the fact that these are just false beliefs.

You see in God’s equation of a wholesome relationship, it takes two complete beings of the opposite sex to form a complete and whole relationship. Two incomplete beings can never form a wholesome relationship. Until you are complete, you are not fit for a relationship. So does it mean to be ‘complete’? To be complete means to be whole. It means to have a healthy sense of self-worth, the kind that makes you confident in yourself, the kind that makes your life worth living with or without a man or woman in your life.

With this kind of wholesome, you are not seeking approval or acceptance from relationship with somebody else. NO. Your acceptance comes from deep within you. You’ve fallen in love with yourself. You are not waiting to have a lover before you are satisfied or happy. NO. Your satisfaction comes from knowing that you have intrinsic value, knowing that you are full of substance on your inside. With this kind of sense of completeness, you see relationship and love as a welcome addition to your life and not as a compulsory accessory without which you can’t be fulfilled.

When you build your life around your lover, you are digging the grave of heartbreak without knowing. Those that think they can’t live without him or her are the ones easily susceptible to frustrations and heartbreaks. Those that have their own life i.e. are whole in themselves are not easily heartbroken because their hearts have been shielded. They are not possessive of the relationship or their lover. So when a man or woman chooses to walk away from their lives, though they feel the pain of loss, though they cry, they don’t get pitiably broken and shattered; they still have their wholeness. They rise up from that point knowing that they have what it takes on their inside to attract a more worthy man into their lives.

If she’s amazing she won’t be easy. If she is easy, she won’t be amazing.

If she is worth it, you won’t give up. If you give up, you are not worthy.



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“Not again!” Kate lamented, tears streaming down her cheeks. She has been heartbroken once before and now Charles, her love-mate with whom she has been in a relationship for 7 months, just announced to her that he’s no longer interested in the relationship. About 2 months before that time, Grace, a female colleague at her workplace, informed her that she saw Charles at an eatery with another lady kissing very intimately. “I thought my eyes were deceiving me,” Grace told Kate, “until I noticed his car packed in the parking lot.” Kate didn’t believe Kate’s story though, waving it off as one of her colleague’s gossip. She concluded that Kate was just being jealous about her new found promising relationship. “How wrong I was”, she thought to herself. “How come I didn’t see this coming? I trusted Charles so much I didn’t believe he could cheat on me.”

She had actually observed him behave rather inconsistently for like a month before the heartbreak. Charles doesn’t call her as often as he had done since the beginning of their affair; he sometimes didn’t pick her calls; he didn’t communicate with her as freely as he used to anymore. One few occasions when she confronted him on his strange behaviors, Charles had cunningly waved it off as something so trivial. Most times, he blames it on work and stress. “So all this while, Charles had been cheating on me while deceiving me!” Kate busted out, regret and bitterness filling her voice.

She had invested so much in the relationship. She had rehearsed many times in her imagination how her glorious their wedding is going to be. She had no cause to think that there could be any man that perfectly fit her like Charles. And why would she? She was crazily in love with Charles! But all that came crumbling some few minutes ago. These are the thoughts that rummaged through her mind as she held her pillow so tight to her chest, already wet in tears. She felt as if the whole world has just crumbled upon her. “Will I ever be able to love a man again? Can I ever trust men again? Why am I so unlucky?”…

‘Very touching story’, you say. But it’s not just a story; it’s the experience of very many people, both male and female, out there. Perhaps, someone reading this piece has been, at one time or another, a victim of heartbreak. May be you’ve gotten over it. May be you’ve not. And if in your own case, you’ve not had an experience of heartbreak, congratulations. Either way, you need to read on because the next few paragraphs might be your life-saver from heartbreak, or another painful heartbreak, as the case may be.

I shall be highlighting key causes of heartbreaks, which has become rampant in relationships today. I believe that by the time you are true reading this piece, you will gain enough insight and foresight into how you can avoid heartbreak, whether for the first time, or the second time, third time or whichever the case. I will begin this informative discuss starting from my next blog post.


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